Hello Folks in Cyberspace-
Are any of you unfortunate enough to have watched any Kay Jewelers Commercials?
There are many, many more like these, and even some really bad spoofs, but we will not put you through it. However, today we're going to talk about Valentine's Day. What men think of it. What women anticipate from it. And what the reality ends up being on the special day (for us anyway). There will also be helpful advice from both sides on how to go about 'gift giving' for that special someone (this will only really apply if you are either one of us, but feel free to take our advice, just don't arbitrate us).
As a note, we will be using special secret code names to protect the innocent, mainly us, in case our advice and our sarcasm gets taken too seriously.
Female Side AKA --> Scooter
Male Side AKA --> Moped
What are your thought's about Valentine's Day?
Honestly, I think it's a way for companies to exploit people of their cash. When I say people, I mean saps. Saps fall under the category of people who work with Nigerians they don't know, people who like the prequel Star Wars movies over the originals, and people who prefer Pepsi over Coke. While I appreciate the yearly remind of how unromantic I am 99% year, I really could do without it.
I get this awful feeling when I think of Valentine's Day. I like the history of it, see the link I so nicely provided, but I don't like the stress that it puts me under. When I was single I didn't like how depressed I felt when I didn't have a Valentine. How I was not a whole person when it came to this holiday.
Now that I've got my better half, when February rolls around I start stressing about finding the perfect Valentine's thing for him. Like right now, I'm worried about the card. Will it convey the perfect sentiment? Will it show him how much I love him, what he's meant to me these last seven years? Does Hallmark have a big enough card to say all the things I need it to say? Should I make the damn thing myself? You know what'll happen right, after all the stress has eaten it's way into my DNA? I'll hand Moped a giant wad of glue, paper and glitter, hoping beyond desperation that he will still love me. And he will, because he's Moped. But I know Moped will also be wondering what the HE-- happened, and try and talk me out of celebrating it next year.
The reality of Valentine's Day for Moped & Scooter:
Through some odd twist of fate, I had never been involved with someone romantically (besides Scooter) in all of my dating life for Valentines Day. Consequently I missed out on all of the mistakes that I would normally have made early on and I'm sure I could have gotten a tip or two from someone I date, but I am now doomed to be fairly terrible and/or unoriginal when it comes to the V Day.
For some reason when I wield my awesome intellect to the challenge of coming up with romantic ideas for Valentines day, instead of clouds parting, angels trumpeting, and sun blazing from the sky with ideas, the ideas come out more like a smelly fart. Familiar, but received poorly. Seriously I don't know how I could be any worse at Valentines day. As Scooter can attest some of my best efforts have ended in her tears, it wasn't pretty and definitely sad for both of us.
One year Moped tried hiding all these Valentine cards for me to find. I was supposed to find them throughout the day, but because I was just doing my normal thing around our apartment I managed to find most of them. But then he forgot how many he hid and where he hid them. Then mass confusion and frustration ensued. I don't think we're going to try that again anytime soon, or ever. . .
I can't remember the rest of the Valentine's days we've spent. But I've got the cards to prove that it did happen.
I know there are those couples out there who go all out for their significant other on V-Day. But honestly, every day should feel like Valentine's Day. I think it's great we have a special day to commemorate it, like Christmas, reminding us to stop and take a moment and tell the person beside you that you love them. But life isn't about those days marked on your calendar telling you to buy flowers for your sweetheart. It's about holding their hand when they're walking next to you. Hugging them when they come back from work. And feeling their forehead when they're not feeling so good. If you add up all the little moments they equal a really beautiful lifetime shared with someone very special. It doesn't take a lot of fanfare to show how much you love someone.
Although, this year, I'm in charge of the Valentine's Dessert :o)~
Gift Giving for That Special Someone:
Scooter is awesome when it comes to giving gifts because really she makes it very easy. She tells me what she wants, I get it for her plus a few surprise things I know she will like and voila! DONE. Scooter's desires for things are like Schrodinger's cat, as long as they are unknown to me they are almost always changing, but once I get something it seems to be the right thing. I think....
This is for all the women out there, wondering what to get the other half of their life.
I was once at a retreat, and the man running the workshop said a very wise piece of advice to the women there, "Ladies, you only need one piece of sexy lingerie. Men don't really know or care how many you have, just that it comes off without too much trouble."
This is seriously true. Spend the time and money to get something that really makes you look fabulous, and you'll never have to worry about Valentine's again, hee hee!
Here's a Valentine's Day Poem by Moped & Scooter. You may all use it however which way you will. But please, if any of you get hurt, it is not our fault. We didn't make you use this poem.
This poem is about Love 4 Ever, and it's many splendid things.
Ahem. . .
I- Is for the inconsistent way Moped washes the dishes
L- Is for Moped's thinning locks of hair
O- Is for the oatmeal Moped always eat, whether or not Scooter's there.
V- Is for the way Scooter vamooses from snakes screaming her ass off,
and forcing Moped to water the back garden for the rest of the summer.
E- Is for is how Scooter cannot eat the same thing more than once every season.
Y- Is for the yellow that Scooter painted the entire house,
before she made Moped help repaint it.
O- Is for the sound Moped makes when he gets caught by Scooter when he messes up.
U- Is for the dirty underwear that Moped tried to hide, but Scooter found anyway,
and now she's NEVER going to do his laundry again!
S- Is for the snorty snort way Moped snores, and Scooter thinks,
"Yah, I still love Moped, sort of."
4- Is for the guesstimation of times we broke up before Moped came to his senses and realized Scooter was the one for him.
E- Is for how Scooter makes Moped elaborate his words
because he was born with the fatal disease called Aural Aphasia.
V- Is for Moped's vocabulary and how he knows the definition to a lot of words.
E- Is for entertaining each other across the dinner table because we don't have cable.
R- Is for the risk we took when we said, "I do."
S- Is for the life & love we share because we wanted to.
Wishing you a Happy Valentines Day, more or less,
Moped and Scooter